


Lingering touches

by Miizurichan



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dealing with It, M/M, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:31:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miizurichan/pseuds/Miizurichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba is tired, exhausted of constantly keeping this secret to himself. He's thankful he has such an understand boyfriend, even if he still feels like a bother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lingering touches

**Author's Note:**

> Since the fandom won't talk about it, I will.  
> Aoba was nearly gangraped by Mink's gang in the main route of the game, which left a huge hole in me. There was no realism in the parts after that. Aoba is human, he has feelings. Rape is damaging. That's why I made this.  
> Rape is not a kink but that's not important here.  
> Enjoy, or rather, think a bit about how that must have been for Aoba.

The feelings of disgust didn't come at once; he didn't have time to think about all of it when he got away. No. 

It wasn't until he was alone in his room that he started feeling it. He wanted to believe it wasn't his fault, but that's what it felt like either way. Aoba wanted to claw off his own skin in hope for this feeling to go away. 

The feeling of being dirty. Not the visible kind of dirty, but from the inside. He felt disgusting to the core. 

Showers didn't work, even if he scrubbed his skin pink. Every time he closed his eyes, their faces came into memory. Their touch lingered on his skin and Aoba threw up. 

Over and over again, he threw up. His stomach was empty and his throat was burning by the time he was done. It was somewhat hard to breathe through his aching throat but Aoba didn't care. 

Wheezing lightly, he flopped on his side on the bathroom floor. If he died right here, he wouldn't have minded. Even with Ren walking around him, speaking his name concerned, he wouldn't have cared. 

His entire body was itching, for something, but he wasn't sure what. Maybe he just wanted to hurt himself to the point of this feeling going away. 

In the end, he did nothing. Instead, he fell asleep right there on the bathroom floor. He didn't even bother laying something over himself before he fell asleep. 

\-------------------

It was months since that happened now, but the memories still lingered in the back of his mind. He never talked about it, not even to Noiz. 

But he supposed he had to at some point. The memories made him reluctant to having sex. The visual of him having sex with Noiz did turn him on, but whenever Noiz tried to go down on him Aoba would either start sobbing uncontrollably or push him off to throw up. 

Regardless of how he was when they first met, Aoba knew Noiz would never force himself on him. That made him relax a bit, but not enough. 

Carrying this secret around made him exhausted and he could tell it made Noiz both confused and frustrated. Not knowing is frustrating. 

He knew he had to tell, but he wasn't sure how he was going to manage bringing it up. Maybe he should hope Noiz asks him if something is wrong so he has a chance to talk about it at a good time. 

\------------

Aoba's wish came true sooner than he thought. 

Already that night while they're laying in bed, Noiz presses a small kiss to his shoulder. "Did something happen before? Has someone hurt you, Aoba?" There's clear concern in his voice and for a moment, Aoba doesn't know what to say. 

Aoba settles for taking a deep breath and grabbing Noiz's hands gently. "I was kidnapped, of a sort, I guess. It was Mink's gang, but at the moment it happened I didn't know much about him. When his gang... started to pull at my clothes, he did nothing. Only when he figured it was enough, he stopped them. I was almost gang raped and I'm sure Mink would have raped me as well." Aoba's hands clench around Noiz's hands. 

Noiz doesn't say anything, but it's okay. "I still have nightmares. Sometimes I still feel their touch on me. That's why I react the way I do when we try things. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Noiz." The more he speaks the more brittle his voice gets and he can feel tears sting in the corners of his eyes. 

Noiz doesn't care and rather just turns him over to look at him. His warm hands come up to rub his cheeks gently. "There's nothing to apologize for. We'll get through it, right? And even if it never goes over, it'll be fine. I don't need to have sex with you to know I love you, Aoba. I won't force you to anything." 

Aoba breathes slowly and lays his hands over Noiz's hands. It won't happen again, he's safe. With Noiz, especially in Germany, he's safe. He doesn't need to look over his shoulder every time he goes outside - he just needs to start believing that. He'll be okay. The lingering touches will fade. 

The feeling of having a burden lifted off your shoulders is liberating. He can breathe again. He can love again. He's not there yet, but he can. Even if only Noiz knows, apart from him and Ren, it's a huge thing for Aoba. 

For now, all Noiz can do is hold Aoba and rub his back gently as he cries of pure joy. Noiz can't possibly understand everything Aoba feels because of this, but he'll try his best to be understanding. He'll try to be the best boyfriend for Aoba no matter where they end up, because he only wishes for Aoba to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't care what you think of me after this. I love Aoba a lot, and seeing him in that position dis send me reeling into hyperventilating and crying. I want to wrap him in blankets and protect him forever. My baby didn't deserve any of the shit he was put through in any of the routes or the bad endings.


End file.
